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Valhalla is the place in Norse mythology where warriors go when they die. It is their highest place in heaven. I have a slightly different belief system but in the end it is the same place. It is a kingdom and it is what we all strive for, to return to. Well Valhalla can wait! I am so worried I can’t even stand it. My kids keep saying to me “Mom its ok to cry” I tell them that I realize that. I am being strong for them, they have had so many questions and gone through such a range of emotions. My heart is in two places at once and it is breaking. If there was ever a test of Motherhood this is it. I could find someone to stay with the kids and fly out to the District but I don’t think that is what is best for them. Especially the youngest, when I told her she broke down and was crying. She is terrified of being “abandoned” she knows about it and how it feels all too well. I assured her that I will never abandon her no matter what, come what may, I will always be here for her. If he were to pass I wouldn’t even leave her then, I would do whatever I needed to do to ensure that her best interests were paramount. I really hate having to even think about this stuff…

I notified the family members that are adults and don’t play childish games. The others were notified later by someone, I am not exactly sure who. The sibling that is the real treat may not have even been notified, everyone knows that she could care less. There is one sibling that has been so supportive and just awesome through this, it is one of those things that I never saw coming but I am so happy about it. He has been calling, and just been really kind and cool. Kris has always said that he is cool, he’s right. It is such a comfort when these things happen to know that there are family members that actually care. I’m not saying that I am surprised because that isn’t the right word. Blessed and comforted is a better description, it is a comfort to know that there is someone who cares and actually is willing to make the effort during a crisis. I just haven’t ever thought about it all before.

One would think that a major life event such as this would equate to a rapprochement if you will, a time to set aside silly conflict and re build relationships. Evidently not. Maybe the Jelly Fish or Donkey – I am still working this one out- said no. Maybe no one told them as they already knew they just don’t care? I have no clue, it just adds another layer onto everything else. Times like this are too serious to play games, I guess that whatever the Hyeana is pouting about is more important? Blows my mind honestly, just when I think they couldn’t get worse, its all about perspective and they just see the world in their own way it gets worse. I can say this it doesn’t matter what is happening with any of my siblings, if I am upset or irritated or whatever, if something this serious happened none of that would matter, it just wouldn’t! But then that isn’t how the Hyaena and the Donkey/Jelly Fish operate is it. I will write more on this later…

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