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There has been a whole lot of drama attached to this blog lately.  For whatever reason posts that had been published for a while suddenly struck a chord and things exploded from there. A simple comment that a reader made sent things off the deep end. I think that everything happens for a reason.

Starting yesterday and continuing on through tomorrow is Rosh Hashana. It is the Jewish new year, a time for people to make amends and start fresh. It is a key moment, a time to reflect on past mistakes and resolve in front of God to not repeat them in the coming year.

It is also a celebration of people’s free will — making the conscious decision to look inside oneself, to look truly at one’s life and make amends. In exercising this choice, which was given to people by God, people makes themselves worthy of God’s mercy. This is a beautiful thing!

I am not Jewish but I enjoy studying other cultures, I like to celebrate along with people. Ask my kids how many special dinners we’ve had with food that we might not normally eat, and they get a little cultural history lecture along with it.

dinner

Just imagine how many people in the world are in prayer and starting a new right now. I think that this process can be ongoing and done on a regular basis.

My daughter was born on Rosh Hashanah. Her original due date actually fell on Yom Kippur that year. I spent months looking at the calender as most pregnant people do. This was when I first started learning about the Jewish high holidays. Things did not go as planned however and she was born early, her birth still fell on one of the high holidays though.

I suffered a loss but also was given a beautiful healthy gift. Like I mentioned before I think that things always happen for a reason.

I also suffered another loss a few years ago, I lost my Father. He passed suddenly, there was no warning. He was active and healthy but had a massive heart attack and that was it.

I was told that it is the best way to go, that he likely just fell asleep and didn’t wake up, that the type he had is quick and painless.

It is comforting to know that he didn’t suffer. I miss him dearly, everyone does, I often find myself wishing that I could pick up the phone and call him. I am glad that we didn’t fight and have petty arguments, all he ever did was care.

A comment was made here that someone had almost died for the 50th time. This was while someone was making their lame excuse for why they didn’t care or act like they cared during what was a very real crisis.

I’ve been thinking about that comment. First, it isn’t true, there have been several different health scares and things that have happened but no one else actually knows about them. Whatever this person was referring to is all based in gossip. Two, what difference would that make? You never know when then end will arrive, why play games with that?

No one is perfect, the people that God placed on our unique paths and in our lives are there for a reason. Families aren’t just random accidents. Loosing parts of it is like loosing little parts of your heart, irreplaceable parts.

I feel like I’ve had to stand back for the past several years and be a witness to what I consider to be abuse. This abuse has come from more than one place and relates to multiple situations. Situations that aren’t necessarily connected. I can’t even begin to explain how utterly frustrating this is.

With holding is a form of abuse. It is a passive aggressive way of trying to control situation and people. The excuse that this individual gave was that every time these two people speak it ends in a fight. There is a solution for that, one that doesn’t involve abuse and mind games its called don’t fight!

Supposedly two separate people were told to pass this in a message, again more mind games. If you want to say something then say it, don’t play silly games passing messages is putting the responsibility for your behavior onto other people.

The truth is I think this abuse is deliberate.

Everyone has a limit and I reached mine.

My escape, my way of venting is to write about it. I am not going to be silenced because a few of the abusers don’t like hearing what I am saying. They can spew as much word vomit and vileness as they want, it won’t make a difference.

Instead of saying nasty things to me, and taking a hacksaw to your family why not try to make amends? Seek forgiveness and just start over. Stop playing stupid games and acting like you are perpetually stuck at age fourteen.

Life can be hard, if it was always easy and simple then we wouldn’t learn anything and what would be the point? Whatever happened in the past can’t be changed, people make mistakes.

Instead of focusing on people’s worst moments try focusing on the many other things that they did right…if you look for the bad and negative you’ll always find it. Why not just move on? You never know how much time you have left to do so.

I know that this post is a bit disjointed, and probably a little confusing. I feel like a tornado hit this blog and there are remnants of different thoughts and conversation all over the place.

I won’t be silenced, and being told that I am hated and other vile things doesn’t really phase me a hell of a lot. I am so indifferent to those two that said it. They have been so disloyal, and rude, I feel sorry for them more than anything else.

I will set a goal in honor of the Jewish new year, I will try to not be so indifferent to certain people and situations. Forgiveness comes easy for me, I don’t have a problem forgiving people, even when they aren’t even sorry…It’s whats next that I have a problem with.

Shana Tova!

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