I’ve decided to write a series of blog posts on Step Parenting. I actually don’t like the term “Step Parent” or “Step Child” I think its demeaning and a bit condescending, I don’t even know where it came from I might do some research and try to find out. Alternative Parent or just straight up Parent sounds better to me, and child is just child, son or daughter they are what they are.
People need to remember that children don’t choose to be the “step” variety, it is chosen for them, applying such a label is mean and makes situations that even in the best of circumstances still have a level of challenge attached that many other kids don’t have to deal with.
If I go way back in time and think about what my perception of what is traditionally known as a “step” parent was it is SO different from what it is now. I think that every situation is probably a little bit different. My ancient thoughts would’ve been that a SP is a person who gets to be friends with the kids, they can be the fun one because they don’t have to do the parenting, the hard stuff is the responsibility of someone else, makes sense doesn’t it.
This is so totally not my reality…
I love my kids, all of them, the three that I didn’t give birth too included. I am much closer to two of them than the third and that is ok. I still want what is best for all of them. There is something that happens where something in your mind shifts or clicks, you can’t bring it on it just has to happen and you think of them as your own, you really do. The one that I am closest too I can’t even fathom life without her. Where am I going with all of this? Good question…
Sometimes, and this applies to all kids, they just unload on you, the stars align and they just want to talk about anything and everything, they let you in on things that have been building, its a release. These are precious moments, I feel utterly privileged that I get to share such moments with any of them. We just had one of those this afternoon and much was shared. I am happy about this, it is a good thing, I am happy to be trusted, some of what was shared is a bit troubling. I don’t like hearing about all of the gossiping going on behind our backs. I don’t like to learn about meddling, anybody meddling, there are some meddlers that are particularly annoying and they are rearing their heads. Not cool!
One could say that an alternative parent, or a “step” parent chose it, they willingly married someone with kids or brought their own in knowing that there was another parental unit to deal with. I agree, how things shake out however is not necessarily that parents choice.
There are laws, secular and divine that outline in great detail the responsibilities that are expected of a parent. When a parent fails to honor these and live up to what is expected someone else has to pick up the pieces. That is the lot of the SP, you have to step in and honor a commitment that you didn’t necessarily make, are you up for it?
As I mentioned before this will be a series, it will be an evolving work in progress. I am trying to process information, and experiences and these posts will go where the process takes me. I know one thing and that is that I love my family, all of them, I am much closer to three but I still want whats best for all…Trust is something that is built and earned and it makes me feel good to learn that we are on solid ground in that area.
Anyone who has experience with non traditional families, step parents, and step children and cares to comment please do.