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Blue willow

April tastes like blue.

I can’t believe that it is April already time flies and it seems like it is speeding up I know it isn’t but it still feels that way. I thought about posting this two days ago but since that was April Fools Day I thought better not.  Not because I have anything against April Fools jokes and shenanigans but rather because this isn’t a joke.

I’ve had a few long and deep conversations with the wisest woman I know, a woman with heaps of life experience and who has a vested interest in the happiness of all involved as well as the positive functionality of the relationships.  This is a person who is a genius at finding positive ways to move forward, very pragmatic, and who has a heart of gold, no a heart of platinum or some other precious priceless metal that is extremely rare and yet to be discovered.

I was cyber attacked a while back, some individuals took it  upon themselves to bully me and send a barrage of nasty obnoxious comments my way.  It was a bit surprising at the time, I blogged about it here: https://starbugary.wordpress.com/2014/01/23/a-school-of-psychotic-piranhas/

It was all quite bizarre, at the time I was told by a couple different people that the person who the bullies were supposedly representing had no involvement and was as surprised about it all as I was. At the time I accepted the word of those who told me this, I thought about it some more and I think that was a mistake. Not because they are dishonest but because they were being lied to.

It was obvious to us who was sending all of the nasty vitriolic messages and hiding behind the moniker “Kim”.  There were a few comments made that made it look like who was behind all of this.

Could one or two other people have been involved? Also hiding behind the name Kim? Sure why not, but seriously what have I said that was so terrible and inaccurate? Even if you go through everything I’ve ever said with a fine tooth comb it isn’t that earth shattering, in fact most of what I’ve ever commented on is behavior which can be changed, behavior is not the person it is behavior!

In fact I made it a point to not be so indifferent to these individuals and make an effort to try to understand all of this a little better, to not just see this from mine and my husbands perspective.  I blogged about it here on a holiday that is very special and important to me https://starbugary.wordpress.com//?s=Shana+Tova&search=Go.

You know it’s funny because it doesn’t seem to matter what I say or do they just see the negative, how must it be to live like that?

One person who I don’t think was involved although I could be wrong here swore that they weren’t involved but based on past experience he was probably being lied to as well. Why would I trust this guy? That is a good question and one that I really can’t answer, for some reason I feel a lot of empathy for this person, I’ve even blogged about it before in the few posts that I’ve written about this matter.

I wish I could explain it or put a pin on it, I’ve had negative experiences myself with this guy but whatever, I think there is a good side there.  This is very hard to explain, I think the empathy comes from the fact that this person is in the same position as I am just everything is reversed, the other side of the coin or the conflict.

So anyway back to what this is all about.  I had a few conversations with a wise woman about all of this drama and I am taking her advice and following it completely and totally.  At some point things need to move forward and following her advice is how that will happen, as far as I am involved.  It may backfire and be an even bigger mess, or it may all finally move in the right direction I honestly have no clue.  I think that her advice is the safest and most non confrontational thing that could happen and it is infinitely better than nothing happening. Heart of Gold

So that is that, I will blog more about this later.  It is a very troubling thing.  My husband talked to me about it for a while the other night and he has been so deeply hurt. it is astonishing that people can be so cruel and mean, no contrition, no nothing. What does that say about that person? To me it speaks volumes.

A friend posted on his blog today about the organ at the Mormon tabernacle in SLC, it may have been the one at the conference center that he was talking about, either way he wrote about the organ and all the pipes.  Turns out the beautiful gilded organ pipes that everyone can see are just for show, the pipes that do all of the work, that work together to make beautiful music are all behind the scenes.  Those shiny pipes that outwardly seem so amazing and wonderful really aren’t, they do their job and look cool but beyond that they aren’t really that interesting.

I feel like that entire metaphor applies to this situation, there isn’t much there, its all smoke and mirrors.  I want to believe that there is though and that is why I am following the sage advice that was given to me, lets hope and pray it all ends well.