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deep endStill deconstructing, time to get deep.

This goes back a ways.  A few years ago I lost someone who was very close to me.  It was sudden, it was a shock, it was like having the whole world turned upside down, the rug torn out from under your feet.

This individual who we lost was also very close with my husband so it was a huge loss and shock for both of us.

I don’t deal well with death, it brings up all sorts of PTSD from an accident that I was in where my best friend lost her life.  I know its hard on everyone but I particularly have a rough time with it.

So in my sorrow and sadness I did what most people do and turned to religion.  You can call it rediscovering my religion, opening myself up to it, whatever you want to call it but that was where I turned.

Religion and me are weird and interesting at the same time, I can blog all about that some other time.

So while this was all happening I was messing around online and I happened upon a blog, it was called “Diapers and Divinity”.  It was an LDS blog and when I found it, it had already been up for some time.  It was well established with a big community of readers.

I got into it and started reading and I loved it.

I started communicating with the other people on the blog and it was fun.  In my mind these were online friendships that were happening, and it was very therapeutic and just nice, especially considering where I was in my own grief process.

Jump forward about a year and I by chance found out that the blog owner also happened to be a friend of one of my relatives.  This particular relative isn’t a nice person, well put it this way I think she can be if she chooses to be but as far as I am concerned she isn’t.  I have no doubt that there is a good side there but for my experience and what I have been shown not so nice we’ll just leave it there.

At the time though the not so nice experiences hadn’t happened yet, I still had an open mind about this person and didn’t really have any strong opinions or ideas one way or the other.

I thought it was awesome though, to me it was a good thing.

I shared this connection with the blog owner who also thought it was cool, at least that is what she told me.  She shared it with the relative and all sorts of drama began.

Now you can interpret this however you want.  At the time and where I was in life I thought it was a positive thing, a good thing.  It was a religious blog, in my head this was divine intervention.

Not really though, it turned out that it was all one big fraud and joke.

Live and learn.

I am told that this person who I had been communicating with never liked me and blah blah blah, well then why didn’t she just come right out and say so?

Don’t invite people over to your house if you don’t like them! Yes, I almost attended a Jane Austen party at her house with my Mother, can you imagine how awkward that would have been had we shown up?

I purchased MANY copies of her book and gifted them, I referred people to buy her book, I referred people to her blog, shared recipes, and on and on, and I am told that she was just being polite I suppose?  I don’t know, this all has comes to me second hand but whatever.

I did discover several other blogs through her blog and I do still talk with many of those blog owners.  So in that respect it was a positive experience.

This does get a little deeper involving family but I don’t really feel like getting into that part of this right now.  We aren’t quite to the deepest of the deep end here so I will have to continue deconstructing later.

Share your thoughts, have you ever had something like this happen?  How do you deal with loss and death? Did you go towards religion? How would you have interpreted finding a blog community and making friends with (in my mind) with the blog owner then finding out that they knew someone you knew?

That last question is the one I’d really like to hear about…because I’ve thought about this and had every single aspect been reversed I would have been like “cool” or “how awesome that we’re all friends” I wouldn’t get all paranoid and weird about it, but then that’s me…

ok please share…