A very dear friend of mine, someone who I am quite close with called me in a complete crisis the other day.
She was devastated.
She had just found out that her oldest son who happens to be 26 years old has been on a mission in Arizona since December 2013 and that everyone had been lying to her about it and keeping it a secret!
How can people treat their Mother so badly?
I seriously don’t get it.
A little background without going into too much detail…she is divorced from their father. It turns out that he is and was Gay so not really conducive to a happy hetero marriage.
Is it possible? Of course but complete honesty is required from the start and that wasn’t how things went down.
I mean Josh and Lolly Weed make it work quite successfully which is great for them, their life their choices but for most who find themselves in that situation it is just too much.
Beyond that there was plenty of other unpleasantness but bottom line this was all stuff between them not the kids.
And honestly if you found out that one parent is Gay wouldn’t you want your parents to be happy? Even if that means a divorce and they find the kind of partners that will make them happiest?
Wouldn’t both Mom and Dad be happier that way?
Ok so back to what happened…so this friend of mine who lives for her sons and would and does bend over backwards for them finds out where her oldest has been. She contacted the mission President wanting to send him a card or a care package and she is met with utter hostility and told that she is to have no contact!
I really don’t understand this part.
There are so many unhealthy dynamics at play here, and one would hope that the mission President would see this, see through stuff or at least try.
At a minimum hear Mom out and try to get a better understanding of what is going on with this young man that he currently holds a degree of stewardship over.
I mean part of the point of a mission is for the missionary to grow, to heal, to learn and without getting too deep into details that is in desperate need here.
How hypocritical and fraudulent is it for someone to sell a paradigm to people based on families being together forever, eternal families, as well as that the atonement of Christ covers everything if one makes the effort to change…that nothing and no one is beyond being forgiven and being whole again when this person is actively lying to his own Mother, has gotten others to collude and lie for him, and can’t seem to find it within his own heart to forgive?
I would imagine that at a minimum some counseling is in order for missionary and mission prez certainly could make that happen. Even if missionary can’t put the pieces together and find forgiveness or move closer to it there is no reason why that leadership couldn’t help open the door, or the window, or plant a seed. Anything to help this mess and get this person on the road that he needs to be on.
At the very basic minimum sit him down and explain to him how utterly disrespectful and just cruel it is to not even give the woman who brought him into this world the peace of mind if at least knowing where in the world her child is.
Just because he is an adult or of adult age rather he certainly isn’t acting like an adult pulling shenanigans like this, doesn’t change the fact that he is still her son!
I am amazed at how she was treated and how this whole thing went down.
There was so much more but out of respect I am not sharing every detail.
So I spoke with her on the phone for a good hour. After I hung up I suddenly felt like I needed to go get the mail. This might not sound that strange but I don’t usually get the mail, either my youngest daughter does or my husband. No real reason its just how things work out in our house.
But for some reason I felt like checking the mail so I did.
Look what was in the mail box waiting for me… Card
This is too weird, fits perfectly doesn’t it…
Now you must understand this was sent to me at the end of May and then forwarded. It was sent by the Relief Society and it happened to get to me on that day, several weeks after it was mailed, and I happened to get it from the mail, something I don’t normally do, and right after that phone call.
I think it means something.
I’ve blogged in the past about my experience with the blog called Diapers and Divinity ( http://diapersanddivinity.com/ )
It’s a good blog, lots of stuff on Motherhood and Mothers. The author has a new blog but I am pretty sure all of her DD posts are still available online if anyone wants to check it out.
In a nutshell I found this blog whilst messing around online during a particularly challenging time in my life. I had recently lost someone who was very close to me and a huge enormous part of my life. I loved the blog and the community, enjoyed communicating, communicated with the blog owner who in my mind was an online friend…then after about a year of that I found out that the blog owner was a friend of a relative who is not a kind person and all hell broke loose.
Basically what I thought was the hand of God intervening in a confusing situation, opening a window where a door had been shut, wasn’t. I was mistaken and it was all quite the opposite.
Or was it?
Honestly it may not have been, truthfully I think I was being shown truth and the true colors of certain people.
I got the message, learned my lesson and now know what truly evil fraudulent people look like, act like, and just are…and I know that there is a pair of them in my family.
But that is that…this is in the same vein but WAY more positive.
I feel like I got that post card at exactly the moment I was meant to.
I am sending it onto my friend.
I hope that things will improve with her son, with the entire situation.
How a mission President can be so disconnected and cold is another can of worms that I just don’t want to get into right now but wow it was shocking!
The one who you call “Mother” or “Mom” seriously cherish her, talk to her, be nice, make the effort. Life is just to short, probably 99% of the time you will find unconditional love.
There aren’t any perfect Mothers, there are no perfect parents in fact.
Children don’t come with an instruction book nor does marriage.
So if yours have made mistakes or have challenges in their relationship with each other give them a break, focus on the positive.
I love my Mom!